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FILM REVIEW Something Borrowed
PONDERING the prospect of a weekend on Long Island during Luke Greenfield's 'Something Borrowed',[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Ethan (John Krasinksi) comes out with only line of the film that made me laugh out loud. "The Hamptons," he says,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "are like a zombie movie directed by Ralph Lauren." Given the choice between watching such a flick or sitting through this so-called 'romantic comedy' again,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], zombies would win every time.
Based on a novel by Emily Giffin,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 'Something Borrowed' covers 60-plus days in the life of Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin), a goodie two-shoes who sleeps with her best friend's fiancé. Flashbacks inform us that Rachel introduced lifelong pal Darcy (Kate Hudson) to Dex (Colin Egglesfield),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], on whom she had a crush since law school. Rachel has more in common with Dex than party girl Darcy, But is it okay to sleep with your best friend's betrothed if it'll make you really happy?
Most of us would have a short answer to that question,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but those behind this strange vehicle try really hard to convince us that it is … the pair feel guilty, see (at least for a while); Rachel is a plain Jane; and the music is telling us it's all right. Give me a break. Ultimately, I don't care what happens to anyone in this bizarre love triangle (or is it a square, or a pentagon?).
If I didn't know better, I'd think the film-makers were trying to create a new paradigm. There's much sign-posting - a scalpel is never deployed where a visual sledgehammer is available. There are more red herrings here than on a fish farm,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and no likeable characters. Nobody to root for.
Darcy is an obnoxious, domineering bridezilla used to getting her own way. Dex looks like a young Christopher Reeve but,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is - as the 'Scrubs' theme tune says - no superman, with nothing going for him except his looks. Rachel is a spineless yes-girl with no personality. She looks like a young Sally Field, but unless the world is turned upside down, Goodwin won't be making a Oscar-winning "you like me" acceptance speech.
Marcus (Steve Howey) is a horny sleaze-ball who tells a tale about helping a chipmunk to bed women. Some of the performances aren't bad - Hudson and Krasinski do what they can,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. "Go talk to your new house,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]!" is as good a blow-off text message as I've seen on screen for a while,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. There's a nice Cyrano de Bergerac moment as Rachel comes up with heartfelt wedding vows for Darcy to say to the man they both love,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. And there's an amusing game of ultra-competitive beach badminton involving the world's longest rally,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
But for the most part, I found myself echoing Ethan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], who tells Rachel after that match: "Leave me out of your goddamn soap opera." And certain lines left me wanting to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon.
Obviously, I'm not in the target audience, and the mother and daughter behind me seemed to enjoy themselves more than I did. But lest you think I'm just being a boy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], one female film critic (Mary Ann Johanson) has called 'Something Borrowed' a "disgusting" movie. Terrifyingly, a clip midway through the end credits is followed by the words 'To be continued'. Say it ain't so.
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