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There was a movie called Sneakers on TV here, a couple months ago. It's a charming,[url=http://cheapnikesoccercleatsmercurial.webmium.com/][b]nike soccer cleats mercurial[/b][/url], slightly silly film. One of the lesser Robert Redford efforts, admittedly. However, I found it worth watching, partly because I couldn't remember how it ended and partly because I felt a swoony nostalgia at seeing River Phoenix again on the screen. Ah, River. River, River, River. Alas, we hardly knew ye.
I won't bore with you the plot of the movie, mainly because it's too complicated; not to mention that I have already forgotten what it is about (again). But in one pivotal scene, Le Redford and that actress Mary McDonnell (you know, "Stands with a Fist" to Kevin Costner's "Dances with Wolves") decode the meaning of the mysterious words "Seatech Astronomy". They do so during a friendly Scrabble game,[url=http://woolrichswedense.gengfl.com/][b]woolrich online shop sweden[/b][/url], shuffling and rearranging the tiles- until they realise that in fact, Seatech Astronomy itself means nothing. It is an anagram.
This weekend, E. and I played something of a Scrabble game with our relationship. It turns out that there is a very great deal more going on than meets the eye. I learned that when unscrambled, one of the anagrams of our life together amounts to the same thing: too many secrets.
My biggest secret from E. has heretofore been the existence of this blog. I've been writing it for the last seventeen months (gosh,[url=http://duveticaitalia.webmium.com/][b]Duvetica piumini[/b][/url], has it been that long? Do I get a gold watch or something?) and never breathed a word to him about it. Initially, I kept it from him because it was simply an experiment; one which I didn't imagine would amount to much, since hey! I was going to get pregnant any day now and then why would I need an infertility blog? Oh irony,[url=http://monclerwesteoutletbillig.albirank.net/][b]Moncler Jacken Outlet Österreich[/b][/url], you minx.
I felt from the outset it would easier to write if I knew it was a private endevour, not something I had to discuss or share. But then I wrote more and more,[url=http://rogervivierweddingshoes.olimx.com/][b]roger vivier wedding shoes[/b][/url], becoming increasingly drawn into not only the realisation that I was card-carrying infertile but that there was a fascinating online community of others like me. I began to worry that he wouldn't like it at all. That he would in fact be monumentally pissed off at me for telling the Internets all our personal stuffus,[url=http://peutereyparkaonlineshopwomen.olimx.com/][b]peuterey parka online shop women[/b][/url], even though I have always striven to maintain as much anonymity as I could muster. In the end, the more I wrote, the more I fretted that eventually, he would find out- and that he would murder me and then break up with me.
But by that point, it was hard to think about 'fessing up,[url=http://duveticaitalia.webmium.com/][b]http://duveticaitalia.webmium.com/[/b][/url], because I kinda felt like I had hit my stride a bit; that writing was working for me, and had become an important outlet for all the damp, murky fears. However,[url=http://monclerwesteherrendaunenjackebillig.albirank.net/][b]http://monclerwesteherrendaunenjackebillig.albirank.net/[/b][/url], I think it also began to take its toll. Writing,[url=http://rogervivierhighheels.albirank.net/][b]Roger Vivier outlet[/b][/url], reading and commenting on other blogs began to take up a massive amount of my limited spare time and energy. If I've ever annoyed one of my lovely commenters by not responding to you personally,[url=http://rogervivierhighheels.albirank.net/][b]Roger Vivier online store[/b][/url], trust me when I say that it's about all I can manage time-wise,[url=http://duveticadeutschlandshop.halod.com/][b]Duvetica Jacken[/b][/url], just to write the damn thing, and to keep up with the events of others.
I suppose at some point,[url=http://woolricharcticparkauomooutlet.olimx.com/][b]Woolrich Arctic Parka Uomo[/b][/url], I was so into telling my story here that I pretty much stopped talking to E. about what I was feeling/thinking about our situation. Gradually, the blog became the kind of secret that fortifies the wall, rather than an outlet that builds bridges.
Well, he knows now,[url=http://woolrichoutletfr.halod.com/][b]Woolrich Arctic Parka[/b][/url], since I told him. To my utter astonishment, he was completely unfazed by the whole thing, or at least he appeared to be. Whether he'll read it in full or just skim it (Hello,[url=http://duveticaitaly.albirank.net/][b]DUVETICA Piumini[/b][/url], E. Put your dishes in the dishwasher, please), or take no interest whatsoever, I don't know. Either way, I'd like to think that I can keep on writing it as honestly, unselfconsciously, and freely as I have before. Limboparty was initially fascinated by my blog. He could not believe that I could write soemthing that real live infertiles would read and then comment on. I honestly think he thought I was totally insane for a while there. He hinted around about me going back to work on a staff as freelancing was giving me too much time alone! But he has since forgotten about it, which makes writing a bit easier. I don have to worry about him questioning my unique version of reality.
I dying to know what the secret is,[url=http://woolricharcticparkasweden.albirank.net/][b]woolrich outlet[/b][/url]!! Will you tell us eventually??
Only one person I know in real life reads my blog. H knows about it but doesn know where it is and won look for it. I asked him not to as I wanted to write about his issues as well, and knew that if I knew he was reading it that would cramp my style. But recently I been almost wishing he would read it, at least the recent stuff.
I not going to tell any other RL people about it. I want to be able to bitch and moan without worrying about the consequences!